Be Your Own Hero

You know how some people are called resilient? Or maybe you are one of those people. I know I am. If I were a superhero, I would totally symbolize that. I mean, Superman symbolizes hope, right?

[ Addressing someone off-camera ] I know there’s something wrong with that reference somewhere, but… I’m a Marvel fan, so it doesn’t really matter.

Anyway, we are the people who have suffered a lot at the hands of fate, or circumstances, or people. And yet, here we are, still standing, still fighting – strong, powerful, broken, yes, but not fragile, never fragile.

When you feel lost and helpless, it is natural, it is actually quite common as well, to look externally for someone to save you. I’ve actually mentioned this in one of my previous videos as well. But check out the irony here. We are a generation that struggles to ask for help. And yet we expect someone, we wish for someone, to rescue us whole. There is so much wrong here on so many levels! Firstly, you’re not even expressing your need for help verbally and just expecting someone else to magically understand that you need it. Secondly, you want someone else, you’re expecting them, you’re relying on someone else, to fight your fight for you. That is not how it works.

Listen, I get it. Shit happens. And when it does happen, you have every right to feel every emotion that comes associated with it. You have the right to feel lost, helpless, hopeless, and you have the right to need a bit of help as well. But you actually have to ask for it. And maintain boundaries while doing it so you can protect the one who’s actually helping you and yourself as well. That’s how the process works, you know. You feel, you deal, you heal, and you let go.

Because the alternative is letting yourself be defined by your trauma. We as a society have this problem, this habit of putting people in boxes, of using certain tags to identify people. For example, you know, I’ve been carrying a walking stick for the past several months, so it’s not exactly nice to hear myself being referred to as the “walking stick girl”. And it’s not nice either when someone labels me as the sick one because they now know of my medical condition. I define who I am. Not my trauma, not my issues, and the words I would use range from passionate, loyal, protective, stubborn, defiant, rebellious, resilient… I am not a victim, but a survivor.

There is a lot of discussion, you know, about the difference between victim and survivor mentality; where they stem from, how to deal with them… If you’re someone with a victim mentality, you know, anyone who has a victim mentality, they basically lost their sense of self a long time ago, because of the helplessness and the hopelessness that they fell into. And it’s very common to see them feel sorry for themselves, to feel like nothing’s ever in their control, to feel like bad things always keep happening to them and nothing is their fault. And they need sympathy, they need attention, they need comfort. It’s a life with less accountability, more sensitivity, more need for external validation…

I know I’m being a bit blunt here, but…I don’t quite like it. So, I like to think that feeling as a victim is just a stepping stone to actually becoming a survivor. I mean, this is you feeling your emotions, right? This is you feeling everything that comes along with your trauma, be it despair or whatever. This is you feeling it. And until and unless you feel the emotions associated with it, you cannot actually heal from them. We’ve said this before, right? That is how the process works!

But it doesn’t always work… I have seen people who have been stuck in this mindset for so long that they didn’t even realize when it became a part of their personality. Listen, I’m recognizing my own patterns every day. I am working out what I do, why I do it, and how to make it better. But that’s the thing, I’m doing it on my own. If you’re a victim, when you’re a victim, you’re the damsel in distress waiting for a knight in shining armor, a hero, someone who is not going to come.

People do try to help, you know. People do genuinely try to help, but if you’re someone who’s helping a victim personality, there’s only so much that you can do. You can give and you can give and it will never be enough, because you cannot save anyone who does not want to be saved. You cannot pull them from a life of helpless, passive behavior into a life of empowerment, without them putting in the necessary work and energy. I’m not saying they’re a lost cause. I’m just saying that it is their journey. You can be there with them, but you cannot walk that path for them. It takes a lot to recognize your bullshit and deal with it. And that’s their work, not yours.

And if you’re someone who identifies as a victim… Listen, enough is enough. Take control of your own life. Don’t get me wrong, trauma takes a lot out of you. You might be someone who has dealt with something in the past, you might be someone who’s dealing with it right now, or someone who’s aware of what the future holds for them and they do not like it. Trauma sucks. But think of it like this – you are who you are, not because of what happened to you, but despite everything that has happened to you. You are not a victim, you are a survivor, a warrior even, to have lived like this, survived despite everything! You can do this, you can. You’re more powerful than you think you are. This is your story. How can you let something else, someone else, control or dictate your actions? How can you let someone else take charge of the narrative? Get angry, be defiant, be rebellious, but take charge! You’re not a victim.

You know, there’s this thing we do as a society, in general. Whenever someone opens up, whenever they’re vulnerable, and whenever they ask for help, we judge them without a second thought. We think that they’re posing off as a victim and need attention or something and we shut them off. It’s not that difficult to identify who is a victim and who is a survivor. It’s not that difficult to distinguish between people who just need a helping hand and someone who actually seeks comfort in your attention, someone who wants to get better and someone who just can’t seem to. That is something that we need to fix as well. Anyway, the point is, life is tough. It is, but so are we. Take charge, take control, be your own hero. You got this.

On that note, I will see you all next week. Have a good week.

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Blog: Be Your Own Hero